New Land Hoy

I dount I would have believed you if you told me the last time I posted in this blog that I would be living in a foreign country in the autumn. I am impressed that we were able to get everything we needed to get done for the move, and I am so happy that we are finally here.

Adjusting to living with my husband's family has been tough. It's not that they are not welcoming and good people, it's that I am not used to it. Those who know me might describe me as slightly particular when it comes to my environment. I like things a certain way, and I am used to a great deal of solitude. I feel, in a way, that I am a teenager again. On top of that, there are cultural differences that I think are influencing things. I am used to being an assertive American, and like it or not, English people tend not to be assertive. Or when they are being assertive, it's not the direct and open assertiveness North Americans are used to.

But again, this is not being written to be critical of my husband's family, but to describe what I need to learn to deal with. I am not sure how long we will be living with his parents, but even if we were to move tomorrow, these differences are things I will have to learn to live with with the greater culture of England and the UK.

Other than that, when they say that England is damp and cold, they mean it. I have lived in some of the coldest, most inclimate places on Earth, and I have not been so consistantly cold as here. It's not the temperature, really, but this persistant damp. Even when you are hot you are damp. I've walked into highly heated stores, broke out in a sweat, had to return outside, and felt colder than when I walked in.

But really, I am having a good time. I am enjoying this time with my husband, learning about his country and his culture. It's funny that English people believe that their culture is dead, and that they've become diluted by immigration and changing values. If they could only see themselves from the outside looking in, I doubt they'd hold that view for long.

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Mom, Dad, and high spirited strife

I called my mother today, something that usually leaves me frustrated and lonely. I do love my parents, but I hate how they often make me feel about myself. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised. Tonight, instead of feeling like being shoved into a time machine and sent back to my teenage years, I just feel a bit sad for both of them.

My parents don't have a happy marriage. Until tonight, I thought theirs worked because of a friendship they shared after making a relationship last for more than 30 years. A bond that involved surviving poverty, addiction, and more mundane, but still poignant tragedies. Often I felt that I didn't quite understand their attraction, but I was convinced it was there amidst the arguments, silent treatments, and other forms of emotional abuse they heaped upon each other.

Mom told me that she despised Dad. This isn't a shock, really. I always thought they strongly disliked each other about 25% of the time. She went on to relate how serious their insults have become. Dad has become bitter and his insults are cutting too close to home. Mom is resentful of Dad's moodiness, and Dad, although voiceless in this particular conversation, I know is dealing with cancer, the operations that are disfiguring his face, and the stress of living in a home that is no longer truly his.

She went on to talk about how she wish she left him years ago, but she stayed with him for the kids, especially me according to her. I ignored her bid for martyrdom on my behalf, and listened to her claim that Dad married her for her steady income. I wouldn't doubt that he saw that as an attraction, but I doubt that it was all he saw in her. And it totally discounts the years of work he put in, especially after his sobriety.

She spoke for about ten or fifteen minutes. I didn't know what to say to her to make her feel better. I repeated my offer to take Dad here for a while this summer. I don't think her claims are totally out of line. I love my father deeply, but his depression rages deeply. He has a cruel streak, and I've been on the receiving end of it on more than one occasion.

My father's cruelness, however, is usually rooted in situations that cause him fear, anger, frustration, or sadness. I am not excusing it, but it's his coping mechanism. On the other hand, I don't think that my family has always extended the consideration he deserves. While his cancer is not life threatening yet, he has had medical problems that have threatened his life. He's also almost completely deaf.

He doesn't need to be coddled, but I think he is often ignored. Because he can't hear well, people don't bother communicating with him. He's also a man who has earned some peace and quiet. Something he's not getting in his home. My mom has earned it, too. I am just coming to the conclusion that they will never find it while they are still together.

But who am I to make any judgements about the situation there? I left home. I left the area. I don't regret it at all, but I often think that my family thinks I should.

I doubt that my parents will divorce. But before tonight, I thought there was more to their relationship than a shared past and a house they own on paper. I wish for the best for them. I just doubt they will overcome the crap that stands between them.

My new Senseo machine

Senseo machines have been sold in the US for a few years now, and there's really not much more you can say about them. Or so you'd think. Most people probably haven't tried coffee from these machines. Whether it's because the pods aren't sold everywhere and are expensive, or that the single serve machines are competing against more practical and much of the time cheaper automatic drip coffee pots, many people I've mentioned them to have never had a cup of Senseo coffee. Philips was likely trying to address this problem when they handed out a bunch of free machines to people across the country during the past year. I had signed up to be considered and forgot about it. Eventually, I got my machine, and making good on my promise to them, I am telling people about it.

First, if you are looking for cheap coffee, Senseo isn't for you. The pods for the machine cost anywhere from $0.25-$1.00 and you have to use two for most mugs of coffee. There are some refillable pods you can buy, but they seem messy. Much messier than automatic drip coffee makers with the potential to turn your entire kitchen into a disaster area if they cause the machine to pop open during brewing. And even with refillable pods you are using more coffee than you would for automatic drip, press posts, or other coffee making methods.

Secondly, if you are looking for really high quality coffee, the Senseo isn't for you. I've only tried the "Senseo" brand pods made by the Dutch coffee company Egbert Douwes. Two flavours came with my machine, "French Vanilla" and "Medium Roast". I later purchased "Dark Roast". The medium roast had the very bitter quality of high Robusta content. It also lacked any depth to the taste. Bitter was about it. The french vanilla was passable. I dislike pre-flavoured coffees, but this was actually drinkable and the flavouring masked the bitterness. The dark roast was also better than the medium roast, but was still bitter. I have some Sumatra blend on order, a coffee promised to be 100% Arabica. I am not expecting high quality, but if it is anything better than poor, I will be sure to update this entry.

Again, I could buy my favourite coffee and fill refillable pods, but I don't think it's just the quality of the coffee that is flawed. This machine makes coffee very fast with water that isn't super hot. I don't think the coffee has the chance to really brew. Then there's the foam. To Philips this is a selling point. It's not crema. It doesn't taste like crema or behave like crema. Instead of being slightly oily and delicate like crema you get from esspresso or even in press pots, this stuff is dry and never goes away. You can stir it for 10 minutes and it will still be stiffly bubbly and staring up at you from your cup. I can't imagine why someone would think this is appealing. Maybe it's a visual thing. To me, it's a bit unnerving.

After years of making coffee in press pots (and dealing with that mess) and never really finding a replacement for my Braun coffee pot, I really wanted to love this product. The machine itself is very stylish, but it's got a huge footprint. It also needs enough vertical clearance to load the pods. Filling and cleaning really is easy and I doubt it'd ever produce a cup of coffee with that stale coffee taste that some coffee pots get even with the most diligent cleaning. Premeasured pods, while expensive, take the human error factor out of coffee making. And admittedly, even the highly bitter coffee this machine produces is better than instant.

If you are the only coffee drinker in the house and you find yourself reaching for instant more often than brewing a pot of coffee that sits there to be mostly tossed out after a few hours, then this is probably a great product for you. You may, however, want to check out the tcups instead. While not as well known as pods, you can order tcups from Green Mountain Coffee and Coffee People as well as smaller coffee roasters.

A Snake Meandering Towards Its Hole

I revised the short story I was writing and totally screwed up the feel I was going for. Read what I had to Mr. Yumicho. He said it needs work, and he thought I should work on character develppment. He thinks I should do another revision and have him look it over this weekend.

Winter Passing

It's not often that I have to stop a film to take a breather because I am convinced if I continue to watch it to the end, I will end up with my head in the oven. Winter Passing is just that sort of film.

I normally enjoy films with this type of feel. Flawed people quietly going about their lives usually as a really cool soundtrack plays. I can overlook a lot of flaws with these films like factual errors and unrealistic plots (My Life Without Me) or somewhat clumsy application (Down to the Bone), and honestly, I didn't hate Winter Passing. The protagonist is obnoxious and kills little kittens. The rest of the cast of characters are nuts or unlikable. Will Ferrell breaks from his usual type cast and plays a slightly dim, over-sized oaf. Yet, after a few hours break, I went back and finished the film.

Was this because I am a masochist or was I secretly hoping to see another disturbing sex scene between the protagonist and her metro-sexual boyfriend? Maybe both? Sometimes the best films aren't "feelgood" movies. Explorations into negative emotions is sometimes what makes a film worth while.

But this film grates against some major sensitive spots for me. Regret about family involvement (or lack of it). The declining lucidity of a parent. Grief. Self-loathing. Did it help shed new light on these things for me? Not really, but I did spend a lot of time thinking "Oh, God! Ed Harris is so old now".

I ended up giving it 3 out of 5 stars on Netflix because despite what was wrong with it, it was a beautifully shot and acted film and the soundtrack was wonderful.

http://imdb.com/title/tt0380817/

Another go

I had a blog here years ago, but I don't remember the password. It did have this very pretty header made with html. I am not sure how to modify the new styles in a way that I could put that old code on this one.

I've been trying to be more disciplined in writing. I've started several excercises in the past few days, but it wasn't until I found this one earlier that I really got into anything. It's a short story based on a "theme". I may post it here when I am done.

I think one of the major problems I have with writing is that I get too distracted by stuff. All day today I've meant to work on one excercise or another but a ton of things got in the way. I had to set this up. Then Lastfm went down. The horrors! I spent time trying to figure out if it was their servers or my puter. Then when it came back up, I spent time picking out a recently played chart. I did this all for your viewing pleasure, because it was for this blog and not because I love to procrastinate about everything.

So I only got a few paragraphs of the short story done. They are very dense paragraphs, though. They remind me of pemmican.